10 Reasons Why My Cats Are Assholes...

Why does it seem like everyone else has a nice cat but me?  My cats are assholes...and here's why.

1. They don't cuddle with me - I try to force it by stuffing them in my shirt or sweater.  Which usually looks like this...

2. They wake me up at 4 in the morning- Not with cute little 'meows' either. It's more like HUUURRR-AAOOWWW! Bojangles, the fat cat, has even taught herself to "huraoow" through the crack under the door.  She likes the way it echos.

3. They attack my feet when I'm sleeping - Like, they chew on my toes with their shark teeth.

4. They only like expensive cat food - My last cat would eat anything (Note: do not leave Queso out over night), but not these two.  They only want to eat a $40.00 bag of food. Trust me, I've tried to feed them cheaper food, but my carpet can't handle the retaliation.

  * On a side note, Science Diet Weight Management formula doesn't work.  My cat is still huge.

5. They give 'hit and run' a whole new meaning- As in their shit hasn't hit the litter yet, and they're already running out of the litter box... leaving a trail of poop. Yay!! 

6.  They only like to pee in MY shoes- So far I've lost a pair of moccasins, UGGs, and cowboy boots.  Max has lost none of his shoes. Maybe they were trying to tell me something...

7. They only like to hang out when I'm busy- "Oh are you trying to write an essay or something? This is probably a good time to lay on the keyboard!" 

8. They don't care if you're sick- Here's a true story.  I was laying on the couch, because I felt absolutely awful.  As I was lying there face up and in misery, my cats decided to chase eachother around the apartment.  They were acing crazy and "burnin' carpet" as I like to say, but I didn't mind because they weren't bothering me. Before I knew it, Bojangles (the fat cat) ran up my body, ran across my face, and used my head as leverage to jump off the couch. Lucky for her, I was too sick to do anything

9. Butters (grey cat) is a serial butt sniffer - No, not my butt, the other cat's butt.  Not only that, he makes this face after he's gotten a good whiff.  (Maybe South Park was on to something with the Cheesin' episode.)

Seriously though, this is the exact face he makes...

10. They don't care how much money I spend on them - My cats find Costco boxes much more homey than any cat bed I've bought them.  This is probably true for every cat, but it drives me nuts.  I've wasted too much money on "luxury" cat beds... 

So there you have it.  Even though I love my little fur babies, they can be real a-holes sometimes! 

Happy Friday from Bojangles and Butters! 

(Bojangles on the left and Butters on the right) 

Lindsey 

(Not Really) Homemade Tortilla Chips

I have always said that chips are my biggest weakness!  If I have a bag of chips in front of me, I have no problem finishing the bag in one sitting.  Since I have a wedding coming up, and I would like to fit in my dress, I've cut back my intake substantially. I do like to indulge on occasion though :) 

Here are some (not really) homemade corn tortilla chips that I made the other day.  Max loved them, and so did I!  The best thing about these chips is they are SUPER easy/quick to make, they taste way better than any tortilla chips from the store, they're cheap, and it's easier to control how many you eat by only cooking a little at a time! 

Ingredients: 

White Corn Tortillas 

Olive Oil 

Salt 

Directions

1. Preheat the oven to 425 degrees
2. Cut the tortilla chips into sixths 
3. Spray the baking sheet with olive oil
4. Place tortilla pieces onto the baking sheet 
5. Spray olive oil onto the tortilla pieces 
6. Sprinkle salt onto tortilla pieces 
7. Place in the oven for about 5 minutes 
8. When the tortilla pieces are browned on the side facing down, flip them over.
9. Sprinkle more salt onto the tortilla pieces
10. Place back in the oven for another 5 minutes or until the chips are golden brown.
11. Eat 'em while they're hot! 

(Told you these were easy.) 

This bag of tortilla chips was less than $5.00 at Costco.  I only used about 6 tortillas for this batch, and the whole bag has 32! 

 If you couldn't already tell... I love taking pictures of food! 

- Lindsey 

Do You Drink?

If any stranger were to ask me how much I drink during the week, I would probably say "Anytime I can convince Max to get me a bottle of wine." (Which turns out to be pretty easy) I usually have no shame in admitting the frequency of my alcoholic intake, because I drink for enjoyment and am pretty responsible. Sometimes I drink too much, but don't we all? Well the answer to such a simple question can be much more difficult in a different situation.

*Before you read the rest of this, know that we have been HONEST throughout our sessions! Except when we were asked about hitting someone, and Max failed to mention the time he punch a mentally challenge kid that bit him in second grade. 

Anyways... Max and I were at another session of pre-martial counseling and were asked "Do you drink?" 

We managed to keep our cool for about 10 seconds, and then we made eye contact.  Immediately we burst into laughter. What the hell is wrong with us?! That question isn't even funny. We didn't say a word, yet we already look like alcoholics. Great.

We finally collected ourselves, and I stepped in to answer first. I really wanted to eliminate the possibility of Max saying something stupid or true like: "Most nights." 

Me: "Only about twice a week." (Lie)

Max: "Hard alcohol or beer? haha Just kidding....Yeah just a couple times a week." (Lie) 

*more giggles

Counselor: "How much do you drink in a sitting?" 

Max: "For me or her?" 

Counselor: "Both" 

Me: "Only 1 or 2 glasses of wine, usually.. " (Lie)

Max: "Same, just a few."

At this point we thought we had passed the test and that we convinced this guy that we are good people.  (As if drinking makes you a horrible person) Unfortunately he had more questions to ask. 

Counselor: "Is this the same on the weekends? Do you ever get buzzed or drunk?" 

Yet another question we found hilarious.  What was wrong with us? These questions aren't funny! 

Max: I will have maybe 4 beers. (BIGGEST LIE! That answer is understandably laughable.) 

There was no point of return by now. We had lied enough about our drinking and either I was going to shamelessly continue or step up and tell the truth.

Me: Yeah, I stick to a couple glasses of wine. ( BAHAHA!) 

What? I wasn't going to throw my man under the bus. We stick together.  That's what a marriage is all about, right? 

At the end of the day, Max and I really only learned that we are more immature than we originally thought. But hey! At least we are a team!

-Lindsey  

BTW...I wrote this with a big glass of Macchia "Mischievous" Zinfandel in front of me, and it's only Wednesday. Drink up! 

Proposal and 'The Poop'

I've moved my blog...  http://thegoodthebadandthesweaty.blogspot.com/

Check it out and let me know what you think!






This post is a little late, but I didn't have a blog around the time Max proposed to me. (You're gonna have to read all the way to the end to find out about 'The Poop'.

With that said, here it is!


Max planned a short weekend trip to San Francisco, so I could have one last "hurrah" in the city before starting my credential year. We aren't usually ones to plan out entire weekends, but this time Max was on a mission.  He completely mapped every single thing we would do for the whole weekend.  He even planned time for me to go shopping...he literally thought of everything.

We first checked in at the Westin and headed straight to Union Square. (This guy knows how to make his lady happy!) After a short hour of shopping, Max drug me out of Macy's, and we headed over to the San Francisco Zoo.  Anybody that has traveled through the city knows that it takes forever to drive anywhere!  That was especially true this weekend, and by the time we arrived we only had 40 minutes to explore the entire zoo.  Our relaxed walk through the zoo turned into a race to see as many animals before the gates closed.

(We tried to get as many pictures of animals as we could, but we eventually gave up and ran like crazy people through the zoo.)

                                                        *Don't know what he was going for*

                                                                   *Scared kitty face*


If you have a zoo trip coming any time soon, I recommend going right before it closes.  The zoo is practically empty, you get to see animals up close, and running around like a crazy person is much more thrilling!



After our trip to the zoo we headed straight to Ocean Beach. Even though it was cold and cloudy that evening, I was happy to go because Max had planned this for us (and I wanted him to feel like he was successful in planning an awesome weekend).  As we walked along the water I started to freeze over!  I probably should have listened to Max when he said bring cold weather clothes, but I am a horrible packer... Oops! Max, being the gentleman he is, gave me his jacket.  I wondered why he didn't just want to head back.  We were both cold and there really wasn't a reason for us to stay there...  He then became really quite and  kept turning around like he was looking for someone or something. I started to become suspicious and asked him what he was looking for. "Nothing." is all he said, but I knew that wasn't true.  I figured I wouldn't ask anymore questions, because I had the feeling something was up and didn't want to ruin it.

We walked farther and farther along the freezing cold beach until we came across a wine bottle with a note poking out of the neck.  Max pointed at the bottle and said, "What is that?"  I knew it had to be for me, but to save myself from embarrassment I asked, "Is that for me?"  Max looked back at me and said, "No."

DA'FUQ?! Why'd you point it out then??!

I pretended like I wasn't annoyed and kept walking. It took Max less than a second to stop me and say, "Why don't you see what it is?"  (Really? You just told me it's not for me... ) I figured I would play along; After all, Max was just trying to keep the element of surprise alive (A for effort!). I grabbed the bottle and pulled out the letter tied together by a red string.  My heart was beating fast and I knew that he was finally going to ask, but the damn red string was impossible to untie! I think Max and I played with that string for five awkward minutes until it magically came undone.  Finally the string was off and I was able to read the letter Max had written for me... I won't go into detail about what was said but it was the sweetest thing ever, and yes I still have it!


Suddenly, out of the middle of nowhere, a strange man with a giant camera approached us and started taking pictures. Paparazzi?? Psshhh, yeah right. Turns out Max hired a hidden photographer to catch the moment AND had both of our parents come out. I scored with this guy.

Here are some of my favorite pictures from our engagement.

  

 My Parents 

 His Parents 

  Very nice! 

The Poop - So the next morning we went for an early walk to Pier 39. The streets were empty and the morning was gorgeous.  We were soaking in our first morning as an engaged couple, and were talking about how awesome it is to be in SF. That is...until we ran across a GIANT turd (human poop) on the sidewalk. Oh the wonders of San Francisco!  We just about died laughing.  I don't think we will be able to reminisce about our proposal weekend without thinking about 'The Poop'... 

- Lindsey